True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
