Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
