...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
