Betty ford says i'm here all night
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
