Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I love having hate sex.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
