I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's official drugs can't kill me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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