Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
