I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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