i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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