Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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