My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
