i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
