hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she peed on how many people?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
