We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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