Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
