He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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