I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
