is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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