Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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