she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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