How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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