I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
