I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
