His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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