When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You are the jesus of drinking
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
