Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
