he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
