it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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