Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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