Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
