tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
