Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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