its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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