it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
