as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
