I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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