I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
