Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
