Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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