Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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