I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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