and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
