Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
