We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
