I got chris browned last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
