Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
