If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
