: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
