Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
