somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
