The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this just has baby written all over it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
