I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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