Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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