guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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