:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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